Need someone to talk to?

Why saying it helps

Saying something out loud changes it. A worry that loops in your head for hours often shrinks once it has been put into sentences, and there is research that suggests why. In a 2007 study published in Psychological Science, Matthew Lieberman and colleagues at UCLA scanned people's brains while they looked at pictures of angry or frightened faces. When they simply put a word to the feeling - "angry", "scared" - activity in the amygdala, part of the brain's alarm system, went down. The researchers called it affect labelling. Naming a feeling, it turns out, takes a little of its heat away.

You don't need the right words. Any words will do.

Writing works too. Since the 1980s the psychologist James Pennebaker has studied what happens when people write about difficult experiences for a few minutes a day; in his early studies, students who did so made fewer visits to the health centre in the months that followed. Talking and writing are different, but both turn something shapeless into something you can look at.

Why a stranger, of all people

In 1953 a London vicar named Chad Varah started a telephone line for people who were thinking about suicide. He had never forgotten conducting the funeral of a young girl, years earlier, who had died believing she had no one to turn to. His line - the number was Mansion House 9000 - became Samaritans. Varah soon noticed that many of the people who called did not need him to fix anything. They needed someone to listen. The volunteers who began helping him answer the phone were not experts; they were ordinary people who would stay on the line.

That is the quiet power of a stranger. They do not know your family. They will not bring it up next week. They have no stake in what you decide. It is often easier to tell the truth to someone who will never see you again than to someone who will see you at breakfast.

They don't know your history. That can be a relief.

What TalkLive can be - and what it can't

Being lonely is not the same as being alone, either - you can be surrounded by people and still feel that nobody is really listening. The Journal looks at what actually helps with loneliness, and it is often smaller and more ordinary than people expect.

How to ask for the conversation you need

The person you are matched with cannot read your mind, and most people default to small talk. A single sentence tells them how to help:

Most people are glad to be given a clear role. And if you would rather listen than talk, that works too - plenty of people want someone to hear them out, and being that person for ten minutes can be its own relief. Listening is a skill worth practising.

Looking after yourself when you're low

When you are upset, it is easier to overshare and easier to be taken advantage of. Keep your name, address, workplace, social media and photos to yourself. Be wary of anyone who becomes intensely close very fast, wants to move to another app straight away, or brings up money. Kind people do not need any of that to keep talking to you.

If someone is cruel, end it. Tap Report or Block - it takes a second, they are not told why, and you will not be matched with them again. Then, if you still want to talk, try someone else. If you would rather type than speak, text chat needs no microphone at all.